i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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