I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
