My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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