every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
