just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
