Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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