I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
