I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Girls should come with a carfax report
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
