I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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