shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
