I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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