I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
