It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
