Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
