wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
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Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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