3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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