Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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