Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Alive.
So much puke
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
