And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
