You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
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I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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