You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
