thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
