Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
