On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
