you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
My penis needs a shock collar
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
