I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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