Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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