I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
