My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
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that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
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she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.