he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
We got so high we made milksteak
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance