based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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