i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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