my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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