Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
