we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
