The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.