i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
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