I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me