Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
