fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
