i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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