My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
