i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
