she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I just gift wrapped bread.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I just got carded by a ten year old.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
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