what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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