She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize