I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
