so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
