Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
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