She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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