i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
