bring money and cleavage
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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