You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
