YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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