If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
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So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
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You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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