Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
