You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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