i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
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Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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