she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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