I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
